Today, I have been thinking about how I have been with my husband, best friend for 3 years. I wouldn’t give that up for anything but I will say I didn’t read the fine print when it came to being a step mom dealing with a high conflict baby mom. Yes, I say baby mom. Because mothers of children are there, they are involved, they are consistent and present but my bonus daughters mother is not that.
This woman has opened my eyes, I never in my life saw a mother not be a mother. When I heard the phrase “dead beat” parent I always assumed a father, I have experienced dead beat fathers my whole life from my own father to my own daughters father but never a mother. This woman can give the worse dead beat father a run for their title. She has 5 children and has none of them all with their own story and each with different levels of involvement. The best part is to her none of it is her fault the world is just against her.
With my bonus daughter, my husband has full custody and has for 3 years. Baby mom only gets supervised facility visitation and supervised phone calls. Why you ask? Drugs, inconsistencies, mental and emotional abuse, bad judgement in others and the list goes on and on. But hey people make mistakes right? Just because she’s making mistakes doesn’t mean she doesn’t love her child right? I wish that was the case. At first I thought that, at first I gave her a chance regardless of what my husband said because I believe in 2 sides and the truth but all she did was prove my husband was right and in fact I feel he didn’t explain the real level of chaos that was coming my way.
This woman can never keep a consistent visit schedule, phone calls are sporadic. She has frightened my bonus daughter from telling me and my husband things because as a young girl she loves her mom and has no clue what is going on but feels she needs to protect her mom. I swear my husband has PTSD from being with her and I’m starting to feel like I have it. My poor bonus daughter has emotional and mental damage from being told false things about me and my husband and as she gets older you see the anger and confusion. Yes therapy is involved for her but this entire situation has affected us all.
You know people have this horrible image of step moms not realizing that step moms are just another mom in a situation and not all are this wicked person. I know there are some wicked ones out there but there are so many more out there loving and caring for children that aren’t ours. There are even some like myself doing the job of the mother full time but gets no recognition whatsoever and in fact are told they are overstepping all while being good enough to financially and physically do the mothers job just make sure you don’t overstep emotionally or mentally.
Being a stepmom is probably so much harder than being a mom and I’m both and if I had to rate this title I’d give it a 0/10 DO NOT RECOMMEND. Do I love my bonus daughter? Absolutely as if I have raised her my whole life. Will I go anywhere? No! Never! But I most certainly wouldn’t tell my friends go marry a guy with a kid it’ll be fun. 😂😂😂 the lucky step moms have a mother that cares for their kids and is cordial with the step mom. They both accept the others presence and role in this blended family. The unlucky but not fully screwed ones with have a mother who cares for their kids but is bitter and makes your life hell from time to time which sucks but attests she cares for her kids: Then there are the totally screwed ones like myself who have a mother that does nothing for her child except the bare minimum best friend tactic type things, makes your life miserable as often as she can by stressing you the fffffff out but also demands the respect as the parent… yay so much fun. Reminds me of the kid in school you’d partner up with in school for an assignment and they do none of the work but expect their name to be in the final product.
You know what I can’t figure out is HOW CAN A MOTHER, a real mother do this to their child, their children? Like ok it’s so messed up that fathers do this but as a woman you carried that child for however many months because ya know early labor or late labor but nonetheless you carried the child you birthed the child. Where is that bond? That instinct? I don’t understand.
I’m using this blog to vent because in my home we live decently but we can’t all afford therapy 😂😂😂 so I’m using this blog as my therapy before I lose my mind. I’ll share old stories and new stories. I’m guessing there are many more like me out there going through similar situations.
I’ve seen so much hypocrisy in this situation with step moms vs step dads and moms vs dads I truly have a totally different opinion in custody situations and I strongly believe our family court system is broken. So many kids are damaged to protect a parents rights time after time after time even though the parent is unfit. It’s not always what’s best for the child and yet the unfit parent gets chance after chance after chance.
Blended Family Living 